ikigai
by yoishoppar
Summary: IKIGAI (ee · kee· gayi) : a reason for your being/existence. the reason you wake up every day.
1. one

**DISCLAIMER**

i dont own fairy tail or any of its characters, this is only a work of fiction. i only own the plot. no translations without permission. no plagiarism. if i find out you copied my work, IM coMING for YOU, NO pLAY.

* * *

 **EDITED VER.**

she was captivating, when I first saw her.

she was pure, when I first met her.

she was forgiving, when I first bullied her.

but she was still my friend, when I hated her.

but, please, please.. don't let me fall in love with her. i was angry at everything, at the world itself for it's flaws. for every misfortune it brought to me. but it took me all too long to realize that i brought all the misfortune upon myself.

and to the people who cared about me.

so unknowingly, i pushed them away. maybe i did it consciously.

i thought i had got rid of her, too. but, i also thought she would be happy without me.

hm, i guess i was wrong.

* * *

 **dragneel**

As I recall, it was a chilly, early morning. I wasn't in the best mood cause my life wasn't at its highest peak. My Dad, who was an alcoholic, had suddenly went missing two years ago. Though, I didn't expect him to leave, despite him consuming alcohol. My mom had said when I was born he toned it down. He was someone I looked up to. Someone I admired the most.

There were no other signs that would lead him to leave. Him and Mom didn't fight. Well, not that I know of.

Fairy Tail Middle School of Fiore School District. Mavis Vermillion was the first principal, deceased since at least one hundred years ago. But her name still lingered around the school. Well, it still lingered around me. Maybe it was by the fact that her husband, Zeref Dragneel, is an ancestor of mine. I found that out when my mom enrolled me into this school.

Makarov Dreyar, our current principal at the time. An old, perverted geezer. Why 'perverted'? Well, every single time I went to his office (i wasn't the nicest student), he would be flirting with our assistant principal, Mrs. Fernandez. Notice the 'Mrs.'. But she's like fifty years younger than him, so I guess he's a pedophile.

It was still early, so there weren't a lot of kids present in class yet. At least ten were sitting around and quietly chatting while our teacher was checking her email on the school laptop.

From my folded arms on my cold desk, I hear the class door click, my ears catching the familiar clacks of Ms. Hernandez's heels. But this time, I also heard soft footsteps along with hers. I was curious, but didn't bother to look up. Well, until my homeroom teacher, Ms. Naomi, began to speak from her desk.

"-llo, Ms. Hernandez, how are you this morning? Oh, and who is this child here?"

"Good morning, Naomi. And this little angel here, is Lucy. She's a new student. First time to an _actual_ school."

"Actual school? She was home-schooled?"

"Yes, her father didn't say much about it. Come on, Lucy, don't be shy." There was a silence before I heard a distant shuffle and the small footsteps for a couple seconds.

"Oh my, why do you have an eye patch, sweetie?" That's the moment I looked up, my curiosity getting the best of me. My eyes just above my crossed arms, the rest of my face hidden. My chin was then touching my cold desk.

Mrs. Hernandez standing tall with her buttoned-up dark gray blazer and business skirt. Her blue hair cut short in a tomboyish way, but she always rocked it. And standing right beside her was 'Lucy'.

I felt my stomach twist in a way that made me wonder if I needed to make a trip to the bathroom.

This 'Lucy' girl was very short. Maybe she wasn't. I couldn't tell since I was sitting head-down. Blonde hair that went down the middle of her back, straight but curled by the tips wildly. Large Doe brown eyes, maybe they were hazel. I was at a long distance, but they stood out a lot.

She was very alluring, I had to admit.

She wore our school uniform for girls, a navy blue blazer buttoned all the way up til the beginning of her red tie was seen. A bit of her dull yellow sweater was seen under her blazer, too. Navy blue tartan plaid skirt that stopped right above her red knees. They seem scarred. I wondered why.

And to top it all off was a gray beanie just sitting at the top of her head.

I was too focused on her appearance to notice that she answered Ms. Naomi. Mrs. Hernandez had already left and Ms. Naomi was showing her to a desk. I cursed to myself. But why was I annoyed? Was it because I didn't know the reason of the eye-patch, or because I didn't hear her voice?


	2. two

**dragneel**

* * *

"Class dismissed."

The sounds of chairs screeching and backpacks ruffling as my classmates almost ran out of the classroom. I waited for the rush to die down before I left. I sighed through my nose, making my way to the door with the students that were left. 'Lucy' wasn't one of them, I noticed, which wasn't reassuring. And I hated that.

Walking through the hallways, hearing the distant squeaks of sneakers and door opening and closing. As I had nearly passed a window, I came to a stop and looked at it. My shoulders slumped, my eyes lowering as I saw the dark, intimidating clouds that promised rain. But I liked rain.

What I didn't like is that I was umbrella-less.

I shook my head and just decided to get it over with, ignoring the fact that my mom will give me a mouthful when I get home. It wasn't my fault she rushed me to school today.

After walking past some classrooms, I finally was at the exiting door. I pushed the door open with a large amount of effort, grunting as the door felt like it was pushing back. I gave it a large push and speed-walked past it, hearing it slam shut a couple seconds later.

The chilly, humid air hit me. I looked up at the sky once again as I walked, my grip on my bag tightening.

Looking back down, I stopped at the sidewalk, seeing a 'STOP' sign right beside me. I looked to the right to see a gray Toyota tundra coming my way. Instantly, negative thoughts came into my head, but the only good thought was our size difference. It was the only thing I could look up to now.

The truck stopped, I saw the driver way a hand for me to go. I said nothing and crossed the street swiftly. I had expected him/or her to keep going, causing water to splash on me. What a nice person.

My walk was silent. Sometimes I like silence, but at the time I didn't. Silence gave me the chance to think negative thoughts and feelings. But most of the time, I ignored them.

I felt the smallest wet drop on my nose. I looked up to see that the sky had begun it's pouring. It was only sprinkling, so I had the chance to get home before it had gotten worse. I sped up my walking a bit, still feeling the small drops stab at my skin and uniform.

A shadow loomed over me, causing me to come in an abrupt stop-almost like a jerk. The tips of my pink hair touching an- red umbrella? I turned my head to the left to see-

"Ah!" I exclaimed, jumping back a bit, scaring the little blonde also. She gave a small flinch, her beanie shifting on her head. I felt my chest rise up and down, making me wonder if it was from the shock or.. embarrassment? One thing I knew I hated was being embarrassed, it was just.. embarrassing!

"What are you doing?" I said through my clenched teeth. I gulped, trying to make my heart stop beating so fast when she blinked up at me.

She shifted the umbrella towards me more, "It's raining." Her voice was small, simple-more like blunt. A bit raspy, as if she hadn't spoken in a while. Actually, she didn't speak at all during class.

"So?" My eyes flickered from the umbrella to her eye-patch. "I'll be fine."

There was a silence before she spoke up. "Are you sure?" The sound of the rain beating harder on her umbrella, seemed to be mocking me. My free hand clenched into a fist, almost trembling.

"Fine." I growled. But it was more towards the rain. _I used to like you..._

Before we began to walk, she spoke up again. "Why are you so angry?"

"Why are you asking so many questions?" I snapped back.

"This is only my second question. But I guess I am being too curious, today. Well, more about you." She looked up at me, her uncovered dark brown eye trying to stare into my soul. I took a step back, my cheeks feeling hot.

"What?" -Was the only thing I could say. This girl was so, so.. weird!

"I can't be the only one. Your pink hair, it's an unusual color for a twelve-year old to have-"

"And an eye-patch is something unusual for a twelve-year old to have. But i didn't say anything, did I?" I cut her off, rather rudely someone would say. Lucy brought a hand up to the white eye, her eyebrow raising in amusement.

"Oh, this? Do you want to see why?" I had then wondered how she didn't get bothered by rough attitude.

"No, I want to go home!" Of course I had lied, but we had barely noticed that the downpour had almost ended. My mom is going to be having fit when I get home, probably asking our homophobic neighbors if they had seen me or something. And I had plenty of homework that needed to be done.

"Oh, right! Let's go, then." Lucy nodded, her bangs bouncing of her forehead softly. I found that really, really...

Cute?

Even if I did, I ended up not liking her for a while.


	3. three

**dragneel**

* * *

My opinion on Lucy had taken a turn for the worse a week later. Ms. Naomi had assigned the class an english essay we had to write with a partner. I didn't really like working with people or.. even people in general, so I decided to leave to assignment to my partner, whoever that was. If my partner was an idiot, i'd do it myself. I already had somewhat good grades.

 _"Natsu, can you come here for a sec?" Ms. Naomi had called from her desk. My eyes flickered to the clock above, showing it was a couple minutes from dismissal. What would she want minutes before we went home? I don't remember doing anything wrong._

 _I slid out of my desk and slowly to her, hoping the clock would magically change time. But of course, I was standing in front of her desk with the most negative thoughts going on in my head. On the outside, I looked plain bored._

 _Ms. Naomi was a brunette with bobbed hair that curled at her shoulders, green eyes that stood out so much you'd think she was wearing contacts. She wasn't a short teacher, but she wasn't a tower when standing. Ms. Naomi was very young, at least twenty-five years old. The nicest teacher in sixth-grade, whom everyone loved. Single, without a husband or any other special partner._

 _The kind of teacher students have crushes on._

 _"Yeah?"_

 _She let her elbows sit on her wide desk, leaning forward a bit, her chocolate colored locks spilling over her shoulder. "I know this is a little late, but, can you be Lucy's partner?" She whispered. I saw her glance past me, probably looking at Lucy._

 _"It seems that because she's new, she doesn't know anybody here. Besides, you don't have a partner either so it works out!" She gave a content smile with her lips._

 _I immediately replied with a 'sure', being the fact that she's a teacher. Can't say no to her._

 _"Great! I hope you and Lucy can work together well, and maybe get to know each other?" Ms. Naomi turned her head a bit and gave me a look. I felt my heart jump at what she intended._

"Ow!" Lucy squealed as she hit the wall next to my bedroom door. I felt my hand clench, my body filled with annoyance. She giggled nervously, adjusting her eye-patch as she walked in.

"Why are you so clumsy?" I sighed, rubbing a hand down my face.

"Well," She shrugged. "I am half blind!"

I leaned back with my arms behind me on my bed. Closing my eyes and glaring at the blackness that I saw. "Then why don't you get one of those sticks blind people use?"

"You mean a cane?"

"They're the same thing, idiot."

"Hey! You didn't need to call me that, besides, I don't need a cane because i'm not blind! At least, not fully." Lucy crossed her arms and turned her head. I opened my eyes and glared at her, sitting up with crossed arms, also.

"You're so stubborn," I growled.

"You're so hot-headed."

"You-"

"Hey, where are your parents?" Lucy suddenly asked, almost stumbling to my bed. " I didn't see anyone when we walked in."

I tilted my head. " _Parent_ , you mean."

"You don't have a Dad? Or is it Mom?" The bed had barely shifted when she sat, making me wonder if she weighed less than she seemed. I felt a wave of warmth come from her body, a shiver running through my body despite it.

A pang in my heart. " _That's_ none of your business."

Lucy leaned back, making me think why she had leaned forward. "That's okay, you don't have to tell me. But, hey, I have both of my parents, except they're divorced. My mom won custody of me when I was...mm, seven? I think so. And I barely see my dad, probably because he doesn't love me anymore. But that's okay. I still have my mom, and she's awesome-"

"You sure do talk a lot, don't you?" I cut in with a sharp tone. I saw Lucy's right eye widen, but I could imagine if she had both of her eyes showing. She would seem more appealing to me, then.

I saw her shoulders slump a bit but rise right after. "Right, sorry, we're supposed to be doing the assignment. You probably care about your grade, don't you?" She asked quietly, hugging her midnight blue bag to her chest.

I leaned over my bed, grabbing my red bag and pulling it into my lap. Zipping it open, I replied briskly. "Yeah."


	4. four

**dragneel**

* * *

Ms. Naomi stood up from her desk and clapped her hands together with a wide smile, gaining the attention of everyone and silencing their voices. I raised my head from my desk as she looked around the class.

"Many of your english assignments that I received were very well written, I can tell that most of you will get an A for your first grade this year." She began, hearing some 'yes!'es and seeing students give each other high-fives. "But," She had in a firm and loud tone, her eyes becoming hard as she gazed around the class once more. "I can also tell some assignments were done solo."

I gulped, shifting in my seat while looking away to see if anyone else was feeling the same as me.

"I remember precisely, that this project was supposed to be done by partners, a duo, collab. Whatever you want to call it, but should it have been done by two people? Yes." She tilted her head to the side, her curly brown locks falling.

"So, not all with be getting good grades. Don't be surprised when you receive an F on your report card, for those who cheated. You know who you are."

There was a very thick silence before Ms. Naomi's face had brightened up suddenly. "Apart from that, let's start off the day with some reading!" The class burst into smacks of lips and complaints.

"Aww, come on! You guys like ELA just as much as I do!"

"But didn't you say-!" A kid began to shout from the back of the classroom but was abruptly cut off by Ms. Naomi.

"Ah, Alex, thank you for volunteering to read first!" She said quickly with a tight smile. I heard a small amount of snorts and giggles around me as I opened the hard-book named 'Wonder'. I claimed that it was realistic fiction, being the fact that it could actually happen. But it's genre was deemed fiction. Whatever.

I began to hear a voice from the back of the room begin to read, putting me at ease from my thoughts. My eyes flickered from the white page filled with black words up to the front of the room. Seeing past the male student in front of me, I saw the back of a blonde head. Looking closer, her gray beanie was sitting at the corner of her desk. Her arms looked like it was moving, like she was writing something.

She didn't look like she was reading.

I closed my book in my hand and leaned to the side to get a better view, not realizing how inquisitive I was being. I gripped the side of my desk to make sure I stayed on my desk.

My eyebrows furrowed as I saw her hand being just a blur across a piece of paper. The paper looked larger than normal notebook ones, had no lines. Just a plain piece of paper. Well, it seemed more than just a piece of paper from what she was... drawing?

Is she sketching something?

It was too late before I registered that basically half my body was leaning from my desk. My fingers that were hardly holding the desk for anchorage slipped causing my eyes to widen. I hopelessly reached for the safe place of my desk as I fell from it. The sound of my body hitting the ground stood out from the quiet classroom.

I let out a growl as my hip began to throb from the sharp pain. I grabbed it tightly and squeezed my eyes shut.

"Natsu? What the-how did you fall from your desk?" I heard Ms. Naomi's voice mix with worry and curiosity as the sound of her footsteps came closer to me. The class burst into laughter, making my anger erupt in me. I slowly sat up with my head tilted down, my hand still holding my probably bruised hip.

The question that was overflowing my mind was 'Why me?'.

My head shot up as i heard a gasp and a chair screech. I saw Lucy push past Ms. Naomi and come towards me, a pencil falling to the ground. My anger becoming confusion when she knelt down next to me, her uncovered eye showing concern and panic.

"Oh my gosh, Natsu, are you okay?" Her small voice reminding me that this was real. She placed a warm hand over mine that was holding my hip, causing me to hiss at the pressure added.

"I'm fine!" I shouted out in anger, the classroom being put to silence. I slapped Lucy's hand away, standing up while ignoring my hip's urgent objection. I saw from the corner of my eye that she was looking at me with confusion. I could say I felt the same way.

"Do you need a nurse's pass?" Ms. Naomi spoke up. I said nothing and sat back down at my desk. I picked up the book, covering my face as I sunk into my chair. I waited as Ms. N and Lucy had returned back to their original places, before I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding.


	5. five

**A week later**..

"Thanks." I muttered to the cafeteria lady behind the window, even though I planned on not even looking at the food she put on my tray. I have this instinct I get from my Mom that causes my manners to be active around adults. I always do it unconsciously, even though millions of negative thoughts and threats are going on in my head.

I wonder if Dad ever got hot headed like this.

My mom isn't an impatient person, she's actually a very serene and nice person. She can get distressed or panicky very easily, I had wondered if it was just a 'mom trait' or just her personality. Besides that, she was very shy when it came to meeting new people. But she can open up and be the most animated person you'll know.

Now that I think about it, how did she end up with someone like Dad?

I shook my head, sliding my tray on the bench and sitting down. I slumped down so my head could rest on the ridge of the bench. I ignored the built-up voices of kids and made them only background sounds. Closing my eyes as I awaited sleep.

But of course, life just hated me.

My eyes shot open as I heard the small footsteps i recognized as Lucy's. I mentally prepared myself for the crap she was about to pull. Being the fact that I had ignored her since last week. It was a hard mission, but I accomplished it until now.

"Natsu!" She yelled over the loud voices of students in the background. But I could hear her completely fine, and noticed that her voice sounded muffled. I sat up, accidentally knocking over my tray.

"Crap.." I said under my breath, kneeling down to pick up the dropped taco salad and milk carton. My knees hit the cold tile floor of the cafeteria, hearing Lucy's small steps come to a stop in front of me. I didn't even attempt to look up.

I stood up with my tray that had my disorganized taco salad and milk. I made the mistake of looking because when I did I couldn't look away. Squinting my eyes as Lucy tilted her head.

"What?" She asked simply.

"Why do have a mask, now?"

She pulled the mask down to her chin with a shrug. "I dunno. I wanted to keep it after my trip to the hospital yesterday." I instantly had the urge to ask why she went to the hospital yesterday, but I didn't. I only nodded in understanding and turned around to walk away.

As I made my way to the trash can, I heard Lucy follow me. "H-Hey, wait!" I dumped the food off of my tray and into the bin, placing my tray on top of it after. I sighed and turned around to see Lucy standing not that far away from me.

I leaned against the bin. "What?" I asked, impatience laced in my voice.

I saw Lucy tuck a piece of her blonde hair behind her ear, showing her pale ear. She wasn't even looking straight at me, her eyes were gazing off to the side. She seemed nervous for some reason.

"How come every time I tried to talk to you, you ignore me?-"

"Look," I cut in sharply. "The only reason I was your partner for that assignment was because Ms. Naomi asked me to. If I had a choice, I would've done the project myself."

Lucy stepped closer with her hands clasped together, a look in her eye that I could not recognize. "You don't think I know that? When I found out that we were partners for the project, I thought we could be-"

"What? Friends?" My eyes gave a dark look when I said the words. I saw Lucy's shoulders slump.

"Why are you so mean? If there's something going on in your life, I understand-"

"No!" I snap loudly, catching the attention of other students. My hands became tight fist as I saw Lucy step back with wide eyes. "No, you don't." I say more quietly, despising the tremble in my voice. I turn around and walk out the cafeteria's door, ignoring her voice calling me back.

Why does she care? I could go through life without her.

Well, so I had thought.

* * *

I unlock the white door, opening it to silence. Looking around even though I knew she wasn't home. Dropping my bag blindly on the floor, I walked over to the large living room, dropping limply on a tan-colored couch. I lied my head on the arm of the couch, staring up at the white ceiling.

My mom was an animal lover to the max. Which is why she is a veterinarian. Sometimes she would take me to the shelter so we could volunteer to help around. I actually enjoy playing with the sheltered animals, seeing my mom's happy smile every time.

It was strange as to why we didn't have a pet by now.

Turning my head, I looked to see a small coffee table next to the couch I saw laying on. A photo frame with a picture sitting by itself. I slowly reached over and grabbed the frame, pressing my lips together as I studied the picture, it being the millionth time.

It was a picture of my mother, her mouth open in a mid bite of eating a potato chip. Her silky black hair was tied in a messy bun, her round and soft green eyes staring at something behind the camera. She had a large grey sweater with white dogs printed on it, the sweater being at least two times her size with her swollen stomach sticking out.

Mom told me that Dad took this picture when she was seven months pregnant with me. I could tell from the reflection of her green eyes, was Dad holding a camera with huge grin.

I swallowed, a smile slowly making its way to my lips. I placed the frame back on the coffee table. Laying on my back, I closed my eyes, hoping to fall asleep with dreams being memories.


End file.
